Philly Food and Drink Aficionados
Big Mistakes in Food #1--Taco Bell
I was down in University City today, and come lunchtime, I walked over to the food court across from Van Pelt Library on Walnut Street.
Look, I admit what I did was stupid. I admit I should have gone for any number of other foods, from the vegetarian roach coach to even the Quiznos at said food court. But I just recently ate at a Quiznos, I didn't feel like burger or a pizza, and I didn't see any sushi around. It's no excuse, but it's an attempt at an explanation. I saw the Taco Bell, and said to myself, "Self, you haven't been to Taco Bell since the days working at the King of Prussia Mall--why not get yourself one of those new 'volcano' tacos? You like spicy food, right?"
Well. Is there really anything more disgusting than Taco Bell? How do they get "shredded" cheese that looks like play-doh? What is that "volcano sauce" made of? Why does it taste like Tabasco-laced snot? Should anyone eat a corn-based product that's dyed a color last seen on a Lisa Frank trapper-keeper?
Should meat be runny like that?
Was that mushy stuff in the burrito rice? I couldn't tell, because it was covered in the aforementioned snot.
And finally, what the hell is a cinnamon crisp? There's nothing in nature that could have made that puffed monstrosity.
I should have remembered, should have realized that in ten years, no--Taco Bell hasn't improved. But like a drunk falling off the wagon, I thought "Eh, it's fine--just fast food. Can't be worse than McDonalds."
I have done my penance; my colon saw to it. But it's just one of my many Big Mistakes in Food.
Look, I admit what I did was stupid. I admit I should have gone for any number of other foods, from the vegetarian roach coach to even the Quiznos at said food court. But I just recently ate at a Quiznos, I didn't feel like burger or a pizza, and I didn't see any sushi around. It's no excuse, but it's an attempt at an explanation. I saw the Taco Bell, and said to myself, "Self, you haven't been to Taco Bell since the days working at the King of Prussia Mall--why not get yourself one of those new 'volcano' tacos? You like spicy food, right?"
Well. Is there really anything more disgusting than Taco Bell? How do they get "shredded" cheese that looks like play-doh? What is that "volcano sauce" made of? Why does it taste like Tabasco-laced snot? Should anyone eat a corn-based product that's dyed a color last seen on a Lisa Frank trapper-keeper?
Should meat be runny like that?
Was that mushy stuff in the burrito rice? I couldn't tell, because it was covered in the aforementioned snot.
And finally, what the hell is a cinnamon crisp? There's nothing in nature that could have made that puffed monstrosity.
I should have remembered, should have realized that in ten years, no--Taco Bell hasn't improved. But like a drunk falling off the wagon, I thought "Eh, it's fine--just fast food. Can't be worse than McDonalds."
I have done my penance; my colon saw to it. But it's just one of my many Big Mistakes in Food.
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Comment by Marilyn on November 13, 2009 at 11:40pm - HILARIOUS!!! I mean, I'm sorry for the ill-effects you had to endure, but this was a funny read. I've featured it for all to see - and take heed to your smart advice to AVOID TACO HELL at all costs. :)
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